My pain, my life, my grief and my hopelessness are a void begging to be filled.
I finally found a job, an update from my previous entrance on this site. I can't help but ask whether I'm happier now or when I was unemployed. Am I happier now? Am I more fulfilled? Does my life now carry purpose and meaning?
Questions I cannot answer, answers too far from my understanding, an understanding too cumbersome for a simpleton such as myself. I question my very existence, the extent of my mortality put to the test each day. There were hitherto days whence I gladly offered myself to anyone who would take me.
My body and soul got so congested that it was impossible to tell where I ended and others began. My life was not mine alone, not mine to behold. It belonged to the world and everything in it. And yet, I was hated by the world, my very existence was contested each day. And I was shunned and ex-communicated on a daily.
Who am I again? And what am I living for? Questions I still ponder on. My imagination carrying me, lifting me up, to points of no return. I come crushing down, as though too heavy for the forces that had propelled me up in the first place.
I linger on, only long enough that my life might clog the hole that I was born to fill. Once I'm gone, will someone else take my place?
