Praying for Change as I Overcome My Insecurities and Pursue My Dreams

Saddened by this fact, however demoralising it is, that my parents did not offer much to me in terms of confidence boosting to follow in my dreams, I trudge on, held captive by the events that bring us down in this world. Had I known how important this attribute was, I would have encouraged rather than discouraged myself all those whiles ago. I am beset by my own folly and lack of understanding, that lack of persistence that one requires in order to succeed.

I think because of this, for the longest time, my life failed to carry sufficient weight or meaning within my eyes. The curious case of – why was I born, what is my purpose on this world – plagued my mind endlessly. It left me feeling so insignificant, so unattached that I failed to see the importance in my existence. I caried on, as one does, buoyed on by the persistence of others, the fear of my own mortality or a detachment to my own wellbeing.

But to dream, even now, as I am, is till too big to comprehend. I whither and wallow in my inabilities – inabilities to change my past, to influence my present, to predict my future. I feel like I am held captive by such inabilities, continually haunted by the fact that I may not change anything, with the continuous burden of still making it through the day. I pray for sanity, and the strength to continue pulling through the days as they come. I pray for a sense of right, the assurance that I am on the right path, that I am doing the right thing, surrounded by the right people.

I pray for a better life, an easier life, a smoother life, a quieter life. I pray that things will change, that mountains will shift. I pray for everything that is good and acceptable as good. I pray for peace, humility, time and time to live, to be happy, to be with others, to be there for others. I pray and I pray and I pray.

All along, I wait for my dreams to become a reality, for my passions to co-exist with my present state, for my prayers to be answered, for my heart to be calm, for me to become glad as I live in this present day.